Thursday, September 29, 2011
Introduction
Youth Rates is a concern within New Zealand. The difference between wage of adult and teenagers were noticable with Youth who became aware of it. Youth affected have taken action on the matter of course and in many cases, succeeded. However i feel like there is a problem where when Youth Rates are abolished, there is a chain effect which could affect employment rates and other such social matters. I intend to explore New Zealand's changes on youth rates in the past 10years and explain why they can be bad.
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Hi Matt,
ReplyDeleteIt's Olivia here. Just some small suggestions: You could make your heading ‘Unemployment and The Return of Youth Rates’. You could also make your opening sentence ‘Youth rates are a major concern in New Zealand’. ‘Wage’ needs to be made plural and also the word ‘adult’.
I believe that all teenagers are aware of the fact that they receive lower wages than adults.
You could explain a little about what caused the chain reaction you mention in your intro.
The words ‘of course’ and the word ‘where’ before when are surplus. I think you were thinking of matter of fact and course of action.
Do you want to explain the changes in youth rates in the last 10 years and put this into context - why we need to learn from those lessons and mistakes, for future benefit?
Are you saying that you think youth rates being abolished is a good thing or a bad thing?
I think because this is a transactional piece of writing, we are not supposed to directly refer to ourselves using personal pronouns. Instead base your argument on statements affirming your position.
I really like the points and issues that you want to address. (Smiley face)- I don't seem to be able to make them here on Blogger lol.